We have been married for a whole month today. It hasn’t been blissful and perfect. We have had reality tear into our bubble of bliss but we pretty much still stroll through the messy life hand in hand smiling at each other. I know it’s only been 30 days but the world didn’t end, hell didn’t freeze over and my feelings haven’t disintegrated from getting married. I don’t feel regret or angst. I am happy. I am a happy, spoiled, well-loved woman. Things haven’t changed but they have shifted. Being with someone who does nothing but make me happy has been an eye opener for me. It makes me re-evaluate ALL of the relationships around us. It has us picking and choosing carefully because in the past month we have learned that some people can and will disrupt our delicate balance.
I smile a little every time I say ‘My Husband’ out loud. It tickles me. It makes me laugh when I hear him say I have to check with my girl and across the tiny apartment you hear me yell “YOUR WIFE! YOU HAVE TO CHECK WITH YOUR WIFE!” He laughs about it too. We didn’t do the whole movie thing and Mr. and Mrs. each other right after we got married. No, we moved on as if we had been doing the married thing for forever already. We moved forward and acknowledged the little things. Holding his hand is a bit less airtight than it used to be with his ring in the way. With two rings on my hand I am constantly cleaning both rings after getting batter or frosting stuck in them. We both have woken up with wonderful ring prints in our faces. He has inadvertently knocked my noggin with his ring when we play around. We joke around and say silly things like “this is the VERY reason why I married you!” or “omg! Why did I even bother marrying you?!” We mean it jokingly and without any rancor.
We are in love and so we stay wrapped in our little love cocoon. It’s not a bubble that can be popped but it’s more of a warm fuzzy blanket. It’s home for me. The way we love it makes me feel grounded and whole. It makes me happy to do the dishes so he doesn’t have to. It makes me happy to vacuum and make the bed so that he gets a little surprised. It settles me so that I am not so terribly anxious. I don’t feel the need to be at my best all the time. I don’t feel forced to be perfect wifey material either. There is this weird sense of humble security I have acquired being allowed to just be. He doesn’t ask anymore of me than I would ask of myself. He doesn’t need for me to be anyone except for who I am. It gives me the ultimate sense of security. Nothing seems impossible anymore. The only person (Besides me brothers) who has the power to REALLY and TRULY upset me is Lenny. This past month has made me realize that I psyched myself out. Marriage isn’t death of spirit.
I am happily married. Who would have thought?